• Foursquare

Foursquare is That Guy. You know he means well, you know he’s a sweetheart and you’re sure he’s not trying to be socially awkward as possible. You kind of hope some girl someday likes him, mostly so he’ll stop whining about always being in the friend-zone.

Yet he still just says the most awkward things at inopportune times, as in, the things no one else would point out.

“YOU’VE SPENT 12 WEEKS AT BARS!” he exclaims, letting you know that you’re probably a 20-something alcoholic.

“THAT’S 50 COFFEE SHOPS!” he reminds you as you’d rather not admit your growing caffeine dependancy, whether or not you can afford it.

And, right when you notice you’ve been spending all your time with one friend because you’re anti-social the rest of the time, and in your defense, the others never call you either, sure enough: “YOU’VE BEEN WITH (insert fellow Foursquare user) FOR 13 DAYS STRAIGHT!”

Everyone at the party tries to smile, because no one wants to be a jerk to nice guy. But Ugh. He just doesn’t pick up social norms.Or rather, social don’ts.

  • Instagram

Instagram is the exact opposite. He’s the guy that people would rather talk crap on, say how big of a dick he is and roll their eyes when he walks in a room.

But let’s be honest: Instagram is the hip guy who has a lot of hip friends. And, well, he is really good with pictures.

So you scowl to your not-as-hip but  nicer friends when he walks in a party and act like you’re better than him anyway. But he’s chatting with all the cool girls who know you exist but will never invite you. And high school is over, but it’s not. Because lets face it: he’s cooler than you. And he’s really good with pictures. Figures.

  • Tumblr App 

Its brother, the website, is super dependable and lovable (but taken). Tumblr App is that guy (or gal) you’re super into, and he (or she) is super into you too!

So you keep having an affair, and it’s obvious it’s more than that, but Tumblr App doesn’t like to come around, or show up for things, sucks at getting back to you and is never going to be ready to be everything its amazing brother is. Granted, you’ll still come back to it, hopes it realizes how great you could have it, before you eventually throw your hands up and move on.

At the party, you guys make eyes like you have a hidden secret. And it pretends like it’s going to finally go somewhere. But it’s really only a half-assed version of its full potential. So you pour more alcohol and thank God for good friends.

  • Facebook App

Facebook App, in short, is the annoying, pretentious person that thinks tons of achievements means permission to be a total dick.

But it’s annoying, and no one cares. Same scene at the party.