• Why is it so bright?
  • During the week, I refuse to walk across town to class. But here we are. Leaving the market, headed toward the stadium. Cool. 
  • Does the term “dry campus” really benefit anyone? 
  • Oh look, a fake waterfall with our logo the crowd is gathering around. And THAT is what your 20-grand-a-year pays for at this college, kids. 
  • Yes, I’d love to look through this window and see a recruit enjoying the training facilities and taking pictures. 
  • Lets all take bets on which player will be advocated for in this year’s “___ FOR HEISMAN” Facebook group. Since we’re in the Heisman room and all. 
  • Wait, there’s a field named after John Cook? No, no. Just his daughter, to remind us all about great driving habits. 
  • AND NOW WE’RE WALKING HOME. 
  • Can we pretend that pop stands at the stadium are alcohol vendors? I could really use a beer right now…
  • REALLY, I JUST WANT TO GET BACK TO MY APARTMENT. 
  • Okay, let’s close one lane and make all turning vehicles drive in the other one, in order to direct traffic. Forget logic. 
  • So glad you could make the experience even more inconvenient with your stupid limo. 
  • No but really, is it supposed to be this bright?
  • I JUST WANT TO GO HOME. 
  • Oh hey, this gas station will have cheaper drinks than overpriced vendors.
  • NOPE.